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Talk:Bigender/@comment-4620805-20171204003804
Just found this site some hours ago and it's been really helpful, and I see many are posting questions where they question their identities and so on, so I thought I'd take my time to do the same. I was born as a man in a male body, I thought, and thus raised as a man by society, friends, family, and so on. I did however always liked dresses and skirts (I just never used them because I was afraid to tell anyone (including parents), because I was afraid I'd get even more bullied... because society. I enjoyed games/toys/stuff that society has coded for both men and woman. Dolls, Guns, Dresses, acting cool, acting cute, etcetera. It wasn't until many many years later however that I felt comfortable enough to start to experiment, (mainly because I've finally found friends and people who are more open to other stuff, and that the climate in general is a bit more accepting nowadays, at least where I live (Sweden). So I started wearing skirts last winter 2016 for the first time. It was a bit scary, but I felt so free, and so much more me, and I got plenty of positive comments from my friends, which helped. At that moment I still thought that I was just some "odd" kind of guy who happened to like female clothing. I later found the term Crossdresser. At that time I was still very narrow and didn't think of the whole picture, I focused purely on the clothes and not the identity, therefor I missed ME, and just thought I was a man who liked female clothing. I am generally against the whole idea where clothes are gendered, it would be so much greater if clothstores only had "adult/child sorting instead of lady/men departments. Anyone can buy whatever kind of clothes they want, be it a suit,a dress and so on. But... I still felt like I missed some parts. I've never acted manly... like ever.. I've always been way more like what society says is female. I enjoyed wearing a suit sometimes and having casual clothing most of the times. I went from regular pants to baggy pants to very wide and baggy pants, sometimes people even wondered if it was skirts (because the pants were so wide and baggy they kind of looked like a skirt). I relate a lot more to my sister than my brother in the way we talk and act, and I've always been bothered that if I do find a dress I like, it will probably sit badly on me because I don't have boobs. I have many many many countless times had thought about having a female body, just so I could wear dresses neatly, but I'm not sure if I actually would change my body, I just want dresses to fit better. Nowadays I'm 29 years old and have had a lot of time to experiment, try things out and read up about a lot of things. I paint my nails now and them because I want to feel prettyand beautiful, I'vestarted using hairclips, party to get my growing hair out of my face, but also because again, I want to be pretty and cute. I don't really feel manly at all. I kind of feel like I am a woman... in a male body... but at the same time I'm happy about my male body partly. I have no interest in switching sexual gender (from penis to vagina) for example, but I would still like to have a more curvy body, and nicer legs, and even if it takes time and is hard and complicated, I enjoy having my legs smoothly shaved. I simply feel kind of like a mix, I enjoy parts of being a man, but also feel like I am a woman. Then I found out about genderfluid and bigender, and a lot of other terms ofcourse, but those two stood out the most, and kind of called me in... Right now I feel like I might actually be bigender, since I feel this strong attachment to both being a man and a woman (while mostly expressing myself feminine), kinda like a feminine male who acts and dresses like a woman and in part wants to have a female body, partly... A bit of a mix. I do pendle a little but sure, which would point it towards Genderfluid, but it's very little, and mostly I just pendle closer and closer to woman, and further and further away from man now the more comfortable I feel about expressing my feminine side. I mean I did start with wearing dresses, then came nailpolish, then hairclips, and next step will be wearing dresses publicly instead of just at home. I also don't care if people use either pronouns on me. him, her, ze, they, (or the swedish: han, hon, hen).. I'm okay with all of them. And quite recently when me and a friend (who is a woman) were hugging, a friend of her came into the room and saw us, and said casually "hello girls" because she didn't see my face, but my clothes and how i acted, and when I heard "hello GIRLS" I actually smiled to myself instead of defending myself, because I didn't feel any need of defending myself, it just felt nice being called girl... even if I was born with a male body, package and all. So yeah... I'm pretty sure it's Bigender or something similar, but thought I could as well just ask also, as it might give me further insight. So far I haven't come out with any other identity, so my friends still know me as a man.. but there have been conversations and questions, and recently a post went up where I atleast kinda came out as questioning, not really knowing... so I guess that's where I am now.. Gender Identity: Questioning & Confused.